I have a confession to make. I sneak food. It isn't that hard. Andy works nights and I am often home alone. Andy is very lucky in that he doesn't have to worry about putting on weight (I want his metabolism!). Therefore, all of his favorite (crazy fattening) foods are usually in the house. Tostitos Salsa Con Queso, heavy cheeses, sausages, french onion dip, chips up the wazoo, etc. Yet, he doesn't have a sweet tooth at all, which is both a blessing and a curse. Let me explain. My family loves to bake. I've even heard them say that they bake when they are sad, bake when they are happy, bake when they are angry... And because they don't want to eat it all themselves, they often send sweet treats home with me. I have been lucky enough to explain my weight loss quest to them and they have been incredibly understanding and have scaled back significantly. However, whatever DOES arrive on my doorstep will not be eaten by Andy in my absence, so there it sits-- calling to me.
Certain times of the year are the hardest, with a focus on Christmas with the fifty varieties of cookies and Halloween since we love to hand out candy and see all the kiddies in their cute costumes! I have stopped baking myself (since there is only me to eat it) and I try not to buy candy I love, but the temptation is always there, at every checkout, on every commercial.
Here is the ugly truth: I hide food wrappers at the bottom of the garbage so that Andy will not see that I have fallen victim to my silly cravings. I do dishes by hand and put them away before he sees that I have been indulging. Pathetic? Maybe. A reality? Yes.
Would Andy judge me for any of this indulgent behavior? Definitely not. He just wants me to be happy and healthy. And I am truly blessed that I have a man like that in my life. Still, I hide the evidence of my betrayal of my diet/healthy eating plan. So who am I hiding it from? Myself? Possibly. I am not even sure when this little habit of mine started. I just know it is impossible to resist.
I even roll my eyes at myself as I bury the wrappers or sneak a few chips while Andy is in the shower. What is wrong with me?? And after I have crammed the 'forbidden' foods down my gullet, I still beat myself up about it. No matter how hard I try to hide my dirty secret from Andy, I can't hide it from myself. And it seems I judge myself the hardest.
Am I the only one sneaking behind my diet's back? I know they say it is all about willpower, so where is mine?
You are very brave for posting this Heidi. I definitely feel like hiding food is one of those things that a LOT of people do but don't want to admit to. It's embarrassing to admit to others and ourselves. It makes us feel weak and not in control but by posting you are confronting it. I feel like anytime a person feels bad about their weight they do this to some extent. It can even be just not putting that bag of chips into your calorie counter or something like that. I often shove some candy in my mouth when I put my plate away after dinner when I know Adam is still eating and won't get up yet! And then I just finish chewing and go on like it never happened. I don't think it's anything to feel bad about because it's just another thing we can all relate to.
ReplyDelete