Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Guilt Trippin'

My grandmother decided to impart some of her invaluable wisdom to me recently.  She said, "Guilt trips are a waste of time."  So true!  So why can I not shake them?

I think almost all of us (ladies in particular) fall into the category of beating ourselves up too much, too often.  Mistakes are just that- mistakes.  We shouldn't spend more time dwelling on them than it takes to learn from them.  Then we should move on.  Easier said than done, I know.

For instance, last night I couldn't stop myself from indulging in a late night snack of chips and salsa.  YUM.  But I had been so good all say, I felt guilty for letting a craving dive-bomb my otherwise calorie successful day!  I could have said no, sure.  Sometimes it just isn't that easy. To determine whether the 'indulgence' is worth it, what I have started comparing is simply this:  Is the guilt I'll feel after eating this worth it?

No, I don't always sit down and analyze it like that, but I am trying.  I know me, and guilt will never leave me entirely.  I'm just not built that way.  Chances are, I will continue to scold myself for grabbing that fistful of Cheez-Its or when I catch myself drooling in line at Walgreens over the PayDay candy bar I haven't let myself have in years.  Oh yea, that happens.

I tell myself that I shouldn't want these things; they are BAD for me!  But I still want them.

So, now I have a new goal.  I want to learn how to live with myself after my inevitable slip-ups.  Forgiving myself for being human isn't as easy as it sounds.  However, I think as I rant against my weaknesses and lack of willpower vehemently in my head, at least now there will be another voice.  One saying, "Yea, maybe eating that entire pizza wasn't a good idea, but..."  Or, "Really, Heidi?  How many S'mores does one adult need in one sitting, but...?"

But after the chastising, that new, more positive voice will tell me that all I can do is make a better choice next time.  Tomorrow is another day.  This is not a quickflash diet we are talking about, but a war waged over a lifetime.  So, I'll live to fight another day.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

The Best Intentions

How does the old saying go?  "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."  I'd say that applies to the road to chubby too.

For instance, yesterday I packed my gym bag and even changed into my gym clothes before leaving my family dinner that always happens on Tuesday nights.  (As a side note, I highly recommend seeing family at least once a week to gain perspective on yourself and life in general.)  I find that if I am already dressed for the gym, I run out of excises not to go more quickly.  As I drove up to the freeway exit to my gym, I found that it was CLOSED!  Derailed again!  No fear, I told myself.  How hard can it be to find an alternative route?  Harder than you think when not only my exit was closed, but the entire road that my gym is on was shut down.  I drove around and around for almost 45 minutes before conceding defeat.  Nothing I could do would get me there.

Sick of the metaphorical and in this case, literal roadblocks in my weight loss quest, I grumbled the rest of the way home.  I thought of popping in my Turbo Jam DVD and dancing my butt off (literally, I hoped) but remembered the precious 4 month old mini-dachshund pup, Chili, that just moved into my family a week and a half ago.  No doubt with my recent string of luck, I'd stomp on her and break her long, gorgeous little back.  GRRR.

Instead, I settled for taking both of my beautiful dogs for a walk.  Although I felt like a puppeteer and managed to walk past two apartment complexes in which the occupants were having contests fit for a bachelorette in a strip club (WINK, WINK), I really enjoyed watching my crazy canines interact with each other as we clomped along the sidewalk.  Claire (our black lab and star hunter) walked slower to accommodate Chili's tiny legs and Chili learned to sit better and cooperate more by following Claire's every move with fascination.  It was a heart warming dance to be a party to.

Was this the sweat-drenched, calorie-torching workout I had in mind?  Not even close.  But I had a lot more fun this way.  Still, I definitely need to get back in the groove of hard workouts ASAP.  In the meantime, I have been managing to keep my weight steady with a stricter diet.  I'll pat myself on the back for that accomplishment because summer is all about parties, tailgates and the accompanying party food.  All things that I love.  I find myself learning moderation.  Slowly but surely.

My good intentions may not me propelling me forward at a breakneck speed as I'd like, but they are keeping my head above water.  And as I tread this water, I'll try to appreciate the summer moments while my beautiful pups swim circles around me and just BE GLAD.  Happy is more important than skinny.  And that's the truth.